Personal trainer, Life coach, author, DNA cover model and personal friend, Rob Goddard, removes the mask and shows us how to do the same in his new book. I recently hosted Rob’s Melbourne book launch and threw some questions at him. Photography: Richard Hancock
Tell us about growing up in Canada.
I grew up in Smithers, British Columbia, nestled in a valley with a huge mountain and ski hill. It was all about outdoor adventure, with fishing, hiking, hunting and forestry work. My parents had separate homes. My dad lived in the country, and the backyard was a giant outdoor playground. There was a big lake to swim in and ski on, and we’d build tree forts and ride the pigs my dad farmed. My mum’s house was in more of a public area on ‘Rabbit Road’. There were hundreds of thousands of wild rabbits there! I’m forever grateful that I grew up in that environment and not in a city, because I learned a lot of valuable skills from both my parents.
What was your coming out like?
The first time I hooked up with a guy, I was thirteen and he was sixteen. My ex-girlfriend rocked up to my mate’s place where we were having a sleepover, and I completely panicked. She didn’t see us in bed, but I think she suspected, because everyone knew this other guy was gay. Word then got out, and for the remainder of high school, I was bullied. I never hung out in a clique and spent lunchtimes by myself. Later, some gymnastics coaches came to town, and I formed a relationship with one. He was my first. Then, right before graduation, I came out to a couple of friends and some family members, which was well received. One day, I walked into high school, and everyone stopped and clapped for me. It was a celebration of ‘he’s finally done it!’.
Rob Goddard
You speak in the book about the volatile relationship with your dad.
My dad and I never had a close relationship. As a little gay boy who felt different, I never got the emotional connection I needed. I grew up scared of him, as did some of my siblings. My mom was dealing with her own battle of alcohol addiction, which I didn’t discover until I was sixteen. When I got into my first relationship, with a man twenty years older, he could see how the situation with my dad was weighing on me, and explained that to move forward, I had to overcome this issue. So, I wrote a letter to Dad. It was very hard to write because it was so emotional, and I would constantly cry. I eventually sent the letter, and he took it hard. As my sister described, it was like someone had died within the family. About a year later, I took my partner home for my brother’s graduation, and my dad was going to be there. Everyone knew what was going on, and I was shitting bricks. I had brought my boyfriend to meet him, and it was a surreal moment. I blacked out for some of it. The next thing I knew, my dad was driving away. I don’t remember anything in between. I started crying, and my nose began to bleed. I completely collapsed.
In your book you talk about your coming out by getting caught watching porn!
Oh yeah! I was becoming more and more curious, and the Internet had just come out. Both of my parents had computers, and my mom would get me to order pizza with her credit card, which I memorised. Not only was I paying men online to perform on web cam shows, but I was also renting gay porn videos. I was watching a lot of gay porn on the internet and didn’t know how to clear the browser history, so my dad saw everything. When my mom’s credit card statement came back with the charges, I said they were for straight porn. My dad had quite a hard talk with me, and that was the first time I confronted him and yelled back. It was quite a moment.
“I took my partner home for my brother’s graduation, and my dad was going to be there. I was shitting bricks.”
Tell us about Mr. Gay Canada.
I’d been involved in the gay community for a while, doing photoshoots, volunteering, bartending and was involved in the Vancouver Gay Pride Parade and such. Because of all that, I was chosen to represent Canada in the Philippines for the Mr. Gay World competition. The next thing I knew, I was splashed all over the newspapers and magazines – Mr. Gay Canada 2011! But I had no idea what I was doing, or what the competition was about. Some of my interviews were edited to make them look smooth. I was like, “Um, it’s a competition for gay men, and you know…world Peace!” In my defence, I was only twenty-one. That was also when I met DNA’s editor, Andrew Creagh, in Manila, and we did a photoshoot. DNA had taken part in Mr Gay World, and when I moved to Sydney, I caught up with Andrew again to do the 150th DNA cover with a fellow Canadian.
The Amazing Race Canada. That must have been an experience.
It’s like being on adrenaline for five weeks. My best mate, Ryan Steele (The Ryan and Amy Show) and I were bartending buddies and applied for the first season. We didn’t get in, but for the second season, production reached out for us to partake. We made a new little audition tape, explained that we forgave them for not taking us for the first season and were willing to give them a second chance. It was quite funny. When we joined, it was the first time they went out of Canada, and we went to places like Macau, Hong Kong, Paris and Normandy. It was such an incredible experience.
Rob Goddard’s Melbourne book launch for Behind The Smile
What was the spark that led you to write this book?
I was in Canada during Lockdown, looking after my mom and had just received my permanent residency in Australia. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions in getting that, and I’d been through some failed relationships. With all that, on top of dealing with my mom, there was a lot of stuff I needed to get out. So, one morning I woke up at 5.30 am, went to a café and began writing. It started as journaling and evolved into sharing all the things I held behind my smile, which developed into the masks we wear. I wanted to share the things we hide behind our smiles, and I asked questions, like What are we hiding? And what are we fearful of? But I also wanted to understand why I had done certain things in my past relationships, about my behaviour and where the patterns come from. The thing about my book is that people can get a better understanding of themselves and those around them.
“I was watching a lot of gay porn on the internet and didn’t know how to clear the browser history, so my dad saw everything.”
Rob and mate Ryan Steele on The Amazing Race: Canada
What’s your advice for recharging and keeping one’s mental health in check?
Exercising and being amidst nature are things that work for me. If I’m feeling stressed, I’ll go for a hike or sit by the ocean. It’s amazing to be near the sea and to watch the sunrise. I know what gives me anchored energy and what doesn’t, but it’s important to either go to the gym or just have a walk to get your blood flowing. Remember, too, that people are willing to listen and help. We carry this mentality that nobody will understand, which is why I wrote my book. There are stories in there that so many of us have gone through. People think others won’t understand, but there are a lot of people in this world who share common things. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone. I’ve had my tough years, and I’ve always had people to talk.
You also starred in Greg Gould’s music video for Just A Man – a great snapshot of this very thing. What was making that like?
It was fun to make, but also a very emotional time for me. It wasn’t long after my mom’s passing, so the emotion in that video is very real. It certainly helped tap into the character’s emotion by thinking about what I’d gone through. It was a powerful video, and I’m so proud of it, including the team involved and what we created. We did it justice, and it’s touched a lot of people.
‘Chesty’ Rob gets behind his book Behind The Smile
Your ’boss’ in that video was a real prick!
(Laughing) Oh, he was!
Who has been your biggest inspiration?
My mom was my role model. She struggled with her addiction, but she always kept a smile on her face. The resilience in that woman … I don’t know how many times the doctors thought she was going to die, but there was so much fight in her. Even though she battled a lot of demons, she was a strong woman. A lot of those attributes have carried over into me. Never give up!
Is there a quote you live by?
I have a manta tattooed on my arm that says Flow not Force. I discovered it before I returned to Canada to look after my mom. I had gotten my visa and was planning my new life in Queensland, and the borders closed. I’d gone back to Canada, and my life was on hold again. Things wouldn’t go to plan, but I discovered this mantra about trusting the process and going with the flow. It became a daily reminder not to get overwhelmed or angry. It kept me in a calm place with every curveball the universe threw at me.
What music are you into?
Celine Dion is my homegirl. Anyone who disses Celine should go see her in concert. She has an incredibly amazing voice and is quirky as all hell. Her documentary was amazing and powerful. I bawled my eyes out. But when it comes to music, I’m all over the board. I’ll listen to heavy metal or Eminem when I’m training, and when I’m running, I’ll put on House. When I’m making my cat videos and massaging them, I’ll put on Enya. They love it!
Rob Goddard in Greg Gould’s music video for Just a Man
Your social media posts often include beautiful Tonkinese cats. How are they?
They’re amazing! Frank is so chill and loves his belly rubs and is super trusting of me. Milo came into our lives a year after Frank, and they have become the closest of buddies. They wrestle and groom each other, and spoon in the most ridiculous positions.
You have 105K followers on Instagram. Do you realise that Frank and Milo also have those 105K fans?
They are more famous than I am! If I post a photo with Frank and Milo, it gets double the likes that I would normally get on my own. It’s crazy!
What do you hope people will take from reading Behind the Smile?
Relatability, courage, and the strength to open up about the internal stories and struggles that they carry within themselves. Also, the courage to speak up and talk to somebody. I know how hard it was on me, and that there are people who will listen. It’s better out than in.
For more visit: liftingstones.com.au
Follow Rob on Instagram @robgoddardofficial
Rob Goddard and Matt Myers
