There’s more to Anthony Locascio than being a post-racial stand-up comedian. For starters I discovered he’s the consummate centaur otter!
Tell us about your new Melbourne International Comedy Festival show Heart of Darkness.
Anthony Locascio: I’ve taken the title from the 1899 novella written by Joseph Conrad which is about the Belgium occupation of the Congo where all kinds of horrors went on! Without giving too much away the show’s about all the very bad things I’ve done in my life. I’ve found a way to make the stories humourous but it’s also about how happy I currently am in my relationship. I’m in love and found a great person to spend my life with.
The darkness theme seems an interesting one for stand-up.
It’s a universal human experience. Everybody hurts people but we can’t marinate in our guilt. We must put energy into the positive elements of life and redeem ourselves.
Anthony Locascio
Can you give us a sneak-peek example?
When I was a kid, I stole Pokémon cards from my friends. I was the Pokémon card kingpin of year one, and I also learnt how to lie. I had lied to my grandmother a couple of months beforehand and figured out I could get my way! The kids in school knew my family moved around a lot, so I used that as causal deniability and told them I had all the best Pokémon cards, but that they were in storage. They all believed it and I wanted to create an army of goons to also lie for me.
You’ve been a waiter, accountant, and footy coach before entering the world of stand-up comedy. How did that transition come about?
I don’t think those other careers were disappointing my parents enough, so I thought I’d take it up a gear. My parents are first-generation Australians of Italian and Greek origin and I’m the oldest child so there was enormous pressure on me to be a doctor or lawyer. That was a little too much for me to handle. Comedy is something I always wanted to do since I watched Eddie Murphy’s Delirious as a kid with my dad. I didn’t get all the jokes, but my dad cried with laughter, and he never cried over anything! I thought this format was magic and the seed was planted!
“This guy in the crowd accused me of homophobia!”
How do you feel about old-school non-PC humour?
I don’t know how old ‘old school’ actually is! I suppose the opposite would be woke and leftie progressive humour, but one needs to exist for the other. There’ll always be that villain to fight. I don’t filter myself but I’m not a particularly provocative comic either. My style is storytelling and I’m extremely personal, so everything is about something I’ve experienced and observed. I don’t necessarily talk about other groups of people or such so it all doesn’t bother me too much.
Anthony Locascio during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival
You’ve been called Australia’s premiere post-racial stand-up comedian. Can you unravel that for us?
Whoever came up with that is a genius! Well, it was me! It’s a self-appointed title. My last show for the Comedy festivals was Don’t Call Me Wog. It was a tessellation of how I’ve felt throughout my life and my time doing comedy. I didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an ‘ethnic’s comedian,’ but I also didn’t want to not address my ethnicity. I’m either the guy whose entire act comprises of “Hey we used to eat souvlaki and pizza” or the self-hating wog. My ethnicity was a huge part of my upbringing so to ignore it would be doing myself a disservice. Having said that, it’s a very popular genre where many comics’ entire act is around that. The comedian Kevin Jin, who’s Chinese Australian came to my show and said, “Oh you’re doing post-racial humour”. But Heart of Darkness is totally different.
Have you ever had feedback either positive or negative on ‘gay’ jokes?
I had a joke early on where I’m really scared of a meathead at the gym because I accidentally checked out his girlfriend. When he confronts me, I try to get out of it by saying “Oh I wasn’t looking at her (I was looking at you!)”. The whole point was that I’m such a coward that I’ll faux hit on this guy to get out of a fight, but this guy in the crowd accused me of homophobia! I thought will I take time out here to carefully break down that the joke isn’t homophobic? For my entire life, I’ve naturally assumed that every gay man I’ve met is extremely smart, but it wasn’t the case this time.
“If I’m spanked enough and fucked up enough, I’ll do it!”
Do you go clubbing with your gay mates?
I don’t go clubbing ever! Even at the best of times in my early twenties, I was a fraudulent partier. I would go out purely to not miss out then just want to go home and smoke weed. I don’t have the stamina. Tomorrow night I’m doing nothing, and I cannot wait! Whereas my friend Francis went on a four-day bender at Mardi Gras and he’s older than me!
You’re a good-looking bloke. In the gay world, you’d be termed an ‘otter’. Are you familiar with our terminology?
Anthony Locascio
No, this one is fresh. I’ve heard of bears and cubs. Hmm … so I’m an otter?
Yes, slimmer than a bear, sleeker and of course cute.
I love it!
Otters are hairy too. Oh, wait am I making an assumption?
Yes, I’m being racially profiled, but I love it!
Who would you turn gay for?
I’m a huge fan of the English actor Theo James from The White Lotus. I’m also very partial to Javier Bardem, but from his Vicki Christina Barcelona days rather than No County for Old Men.
What’s your irresistible burn-the-floor song?
I’ll put my cards on the table and say I’m a horrible dancer. I just cannot get myself around rhythm but if I’m spankedenough and fucked up enough, I’ll do it. As far as a song, which is a bit of an allusion to my show it’d be Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie.
Anthony Locascio
So, who’s your music diva?
I’m a big Jennifer Lopez fan but in terms of an artist whom I have artistic respect for it’s Lauren Hill. She’s the best singer and rapper. She’s also a speaker of political, cultural and racial truths. Then she just stopped doing it all. She had enough of show business said fuck you and left. She’s unbelievably talented and has an original mind. I especially loved her MTV Unplugged 2.0.
Do you have a favourite quote?
My cousin once said, “You win some, you lose most!”. Someone also said that “Harbouring jealousy and resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Who’s your biggest inspiration in the world of stand-up comedy?
The greatest comedian of all time is George Carlin and that’s not to say he’s the funniest, but I think he’s the greatest. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a god and created the art form. I’ve recently had the pleasure of seeing three of my absolute favourite inspirations live in Australia – Louis C.K, Dave Chappelle and John Mulaney. But honestly, I’m better than all those guys so fuck ‘em! Locally there’s Luke Heggie who I believe is the best comedian in this country. If anybody’s looking for a show other than mine go to his!
Have you ever had an onstage wardrobe malfunction?
No, because being the consummate otter and well put together, I’ve always been very meticulous in how I present myself. Although once I went to lunch with one of my best friends and we were all drinking red wine. My mate’s brother was sitting opposite and I’m so fucking good at my job that I made him laugh and he spurted wine over my white shirt. I sat there blotting it with soda water for two hours and managed to get it out. Come to think of it I also used to split my pants all the time doing Greek dancing. In my very early twenties, I used to wear super-tight pants and I’d get very drunk and do acrobatic moves almost always splitting my pants.
Any other mishaps?
I’ve been punched in the face onstage! In 2019 I walked so that Chris Rock could run! I made a joke of how I’m so afraid of guys with neck tattoos that if one of them slapped my girlfriend in the face in front of me I’d just break up with her. A woman in the front row thought that I was advocating domestic violence and started screaming at me and her boyfriend punched me in the face.
So, he committed domestic violence!
Exactly! Mind you he didn’t quite land a hit as I blocked and ducked, and security removed them. The next day she did a Yelp review and gave my show one star, so I turned it into the closing story for my next comedy show.
Anthony Locascio with Matt Myers
On the beach is it boardies or Speedos?
I’m a boardies guy. I’m way too hairy and have disproportionately large legs. I’ve got a wog lower body and it’s not something I’d want to be showing off.
But you’re an otter so you’d get away with it.
If you saw my legs, you’d re-proportion me. I’m like a centaur with the lower body of a much larger man! I’m an otter with elephantiasis!
Um … on that note, briefs, boxer briefs or free balling?
One hundred per cent boxer briefs, but I’ll free ball where I can get away with it. Even in public which is probably revealing way too much.
For more on Heart of Darkness visit: comedyfestival.com.au
Follow Anthony on Instagram @anthony.locash
